


Finding Freddie

by Lozza



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 01:13:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10753647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lozza/pseuds/Lozza
Summary: Steve and Catherine go and get Freddie from North Korea, leaving Danny behind. He doesn't like that much and it takes this for Steve to realise he may not be with the right person.





	Finding Freddie

**Author's Note:**

> Tag to episode 3.20 that I've had for a while. I wrote it when I had really gone off McDanno, and then was starting to get back to it again. So it'll read at the beginning that they are past relationship, but then towards the end heading back to McDanno again.

3.20 

Chin watched from the tech table while Danny paced the bullpen a few feet away from them, murmuring to himself as he did so, wringing his hands in worry. He hadn’t wanted Steve to go to Korea to do the exchange anyway, at all. It wasn’t the first time the detective knew he’d been there – hell he’d been in the south when he’d heard his Dad being shot, and then again last year when they had ended up saving his ass after Wo Fat had grabbed him. Danny was upset not to be going with his partner; he’d been his back up and so much more for the last two and a half years. It was obvious to Chin Danny was petrified for him, he’d told the Commander that he understood why he had to go but not why he was only going to take Catherine Rollins with him and no one else. “It won’t be just us, Danny,” the man himself had tried to reassure him, seriously, understanding his worries. “The State Department and the Navy are involved, it’s completely legitimate and nothing like the last time.”

“I know, Babe,” Danny had replied, a hand laid on his partner’s arm. “And I know why you have to go. But, Babe…” He had shaken his head and squeezed his arm before he let him go. “I just…”

Chin had seen the smile Steve had given his partner – something that Malia used to give him, soft, fond, loving – and it hurt to see it. But if anyone deserved it, Danny did, and Chin managed to smile slightly as Steve caught his partner in his strong arms and pulled him close in a tight hug. “It’ll be okay,” he’d assured him and pressed their foreheads together so he could look him in the eye. “It’ll be okay.”

Now, barely 24 hours later, Steve had called in to say he was going to be longer then he had thought, and Kono had made the comment: “Remember what happened last time.”

Steve’s reply, in his fondly amused tone had been meant to be reassuring, but when he hung up the trio of officers remaining had simply stared at each other for a few moments.

And then Danny had stepped away and was now pacing, just scared and unable to do anything about it. “What the hell does that mean?” the blond turned to the other two, throwing his hands in the air. “Twenty four hours? It was supposed to be a simple exchange.” 

“We know, brah,” Kono said to him, trying to be calming. “But he’s not on his own like he said. He’s not going to do something stupid.”

Danny stared at her in disbelief for a few moments. “You do realise we’re talking about McGarrett, right?” he asked her incredulously. “The guy can get into trouble anywhere! He got jacked by some meth head when he went out for lunch! What sort of trouble can he get into in North Korea? Jeeze,” he murmured and looked away as he stated to pace again. “Why the hell..?” he said to himself and started to pace again. “Korea? Just Rambo-ette? What is wrong with him?”

Chin watched him pace for a few more moments before he turned to Kono who was watching them both with concern. “Costa?” he asked her and smiled at her frown. “For three?”

She flashed him a look that told him if he made this a habit she was going to make him pay, a lot, and walked back to her office for her purse and keys. He watched her go, making sure she left before he turned back to Danny. 

The guy had paced to Steve’s office before turning back again and heading in his direction. He couldn’t look at the empty office; he veered away from it in fact, and only looked up from his hands when Chin caught his arm. “He’s not on his own,” he tried to assure him. “I know you don’t trust Cath entirely, that you want to be with him to make sure he’s got back up, we all do. We all remember what happened last time. But Danny…” he tried to soothe. 

It didn’t work. “Stop right there, Chin Ho Kelly,” Danny said up at him with a glare. “If you tell me lightening doesn’t strike twice or something, that he’s not going to go back there because he’s not that stupid I might have to punch you.” 

Chin grinned. “That’s the Danny we know and love,” he retorted fondly and noted his friend’s wince at his words. He knew what that was for too. “You need to tell him, Danny,” he told him after a few moments, as the man in question couldn’t look him in the eye. “He needs to know how you feel.”

Danny harrumphed and pulled himself out of his grip to take a couple of steps away. “I tried that one already,” he snapped and looked out of the windows. “And we all know how well that turned out. For me – badly. For him?” He turned back with his hurt and anger at their failed relationship from last year plain on his face. “He kicked me out the moment Catherine Rollins stepped foot here. She’s everything I’m not, Chin, even I would chose her over me any day.” He turned back to the windows and the limited view they had from their bullpen. “He’s happy,” he added bleakly. “Who am I to take that from him?”

Great, Chin thought to himself as he walked back over to him. He had successfully reduced Danny’s fear for his partner, but replaced it with hurt and depression. That was not his plan, at all. “That’s not right, Danny,” he told him and laid an arm over this friend and colleague’s shoulders. “He’s not happy, he’s worried about a lot of things, not least you. He still looks at you in the same way.”

“Yeah,” the other detective commented darkly. “As his comedy sidekick.” Then he sighed and pretended to shake himself out of his maudlin thoughts. Chin did wonder whom he thought he was kidding with that one.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Danny told him firmly. “I want him back, alive, in one piece and not tortured half to death by some psychopath.” He turned to face him and jabbed a finger in Chin’s shoulder. “If he’s not back in 24 hours we’re going to get him. And I’m going to kick his oh so shapely butt all the way back here. With or without the lovely Lieutenant Rollins.”

 

***********

 

As it turned out that wasn’t necessary, however much Chin had wanted to watch. As promised Steve called before his 24hr deadline, not much before mind, and assured them that he, Cath and Freddie were boarding their flight and would be back in Hawaii in nine and a half hours. He did laugh quietly on the speakerphone when Danny demanded to speak to the pilot to make sure, but he did comply and a man who identified himself as the pilot assured them they were on their way. Of course Steve could have just picked some random person to tell them that, but with some quick work by Kono on the table and a photo taken by Cath of Steve and the pilot sent over by text so they could compare, Danny was satisfied. 

But not for long. The shaka sign and smile was the Steve they knew, but the head injury they all spotted wasn’t. “What happened to your head?” Danny asked quickly when he spotted it. “Is that why the delay? Someone tried to bash your skull in?”

Steve groaned quietly and shook his head; he knew he should have pulled his cap down further to hide it when they took the photo. Danny missed nothing, especially when it came to the safety of those he cared about. The concern in his voice was obvious and it actually warmed the Commander to the core to hear it – he hadn’t lost that at least. “It’s okay, Danny, really,” he tried to assure him. “We had a car accident, and no, I wasn’t driving,” he added quickly to head off a sarcastic comment or two, “I promise I will tell you all about it when we get home, okay?”

“Okay,” Danny replied after a pause. He was obviously not satisfied but he would keep for now. 

With a couple more pleasantries from the other two and a quiet: “Get some sleep on the plane, Steve. You look tired,” from Danno he hung up and walked back to his seat next to Cath who had returned after taking the photo. 

She looked at him with a slight frown and he realised he was probably grinning like a loon. “Everything okay?” she asked as he re-took his seat beside her. “Did he believe you?”

Steve nodded. “It took some persuading, but he believes me,” he replied. “I don’t know why he didn’t.”

Cath shook her head and looked anywhere but at him. “Because he knows you very well,” she told him, and knew he was smiling and nodding his agreement. She knew she was right as well, Danny knew Steve probably better than anyone else, including her, which was one reason why he had fought so hard to stay in Hawaii. She couldn’t compete with that, however much she tried. Danny could read Steve like an open book even when she couldn’t see any emotion, thought or anything else from or on him and it annoyed her some times. She saw them interact and they were more than just friends and colleagues – even now she knew he was never grinning like this when he’d had a phone call from her. She had gleaned information regarding their relationship from before she was station on Hawaii and she was both surprised and hurt by it. Hurt that Steve could fall for someone else even when they had been an item for so long; surprised that he had actually chosen her over Danny. Steve never looked at her the way he did his shorter, blond partner, didn’t talk about her all the time the way he did his partner, and didn’t spend as much time with her as he did Danny. He couldn’t even call her his girlfriend, denying it repeatedly to anyone who would listen, but was the complete opposite when people took the wrong connotation of ‘partner’. 

She didn’t want to let him go though, not now. It had worked for her when they were friends with benefits, when they were both stationed in different places – her on the Enterprise, him in any part of the world. She hadn’t wanted to be tied down with him or force him to do the same then, and it had worked. But now she was stationed at Pearl she had wanted to make a proper start with him, have a proper relationship, but she realised as he settled back in his seat beside her and closed his eyes, she may have left it too long and someone else had taken the space in his heart that should have been hers. 

 

***********

 

Danny watched from the side of the landing strip at Hickham as his partner’s friend was finally returned home. He was pleased they had let him in, he didn’t think his cop ID and “friend of Steve McGarrett” would do it but the corpsman at the main entrance let him through and got him and his car an escort to right beside where the plane was due to stop. He watched as the coffin draped in a US flag was carefully unloaded and stood up straight from where he had been leaning against his Camaro when Steve lead the salute. He hadn’t known Freddie Hart but he had been a good friend of Steve’s as well as a fellow SEAL and he deserved all the honours they could give him. Danny didn’t salute him himself, not being military he thought it would be disrespectful. Instead he offered up a prayer of thanks for Freddie’s bravery, his loyalty, his sacrifice, and that he could finally rest in peace. 

He didn’t time how long everyone, military or airport staff, were silent and still, it didn’t matter, he was just pleased the whole area had come to a standstill and that he could show his respect and thanks to the man as well. It had been obvious to Danny that Steve cared a lot about Freddie when he had told him about this mission, which was very telling about Freddie himself. The man had been a friend to Steve when he had needed one the most, and Danny would show his support for them both by standing in here in the sun, back straight, eyes forward and running his thumb over the face of his Saint Michael’s medal in his hand all afternoon if he had too. 

It wasn’t all afternoon, Danny watched as Steve ended the salute and life seemed to start again on his command. He did wonder whether he should call him to let him know he was here or just leave since his partner seemed to have everything under control, which made him wonder as well how many times he had had to do this. However, as usual, the big SEAL made the decision for him. He turned, said something to Cath who was standing beside him and then turned again and started to jog over to where Danny was standing. The detective could see her watching them but because of the distance couldn’t see the look on her face, but didn’t really care that much. 

Steve’s long legs ate up the distance quickly and Danny ignored everyone one else there to watch him for the few moments it took for him to get there. He was smiling when he did and Danny was going to say something meaningful as a greeting but it was squeezed out of him in a bone-crushing hug. “Danny,” Steve murmured in his ear as he wrapped his strong arms around him and pulled him close. “You didn’t have to be here.”

Danny hugged him back, strong arms around his waist and smiled up at him. “Of course I did,” he replied and studied him for a few moments before he said anything else. “Are you going to be okay?”

Steve glanced back at the flat bed truck Freddie’s coffin was being laid out on before he replied. “I will be,” he assured him and turned back to his partner. “But he’s not completely home yet.”

Danny nodded and moved one arm from around his waist to gently brush his thumb over the wound on his partner’s forehead. “It wasn’t just a simple exchange, was it?” he asked gently and wasn’t really surprised when Steve shook his head. He then buried his face in Danny’s neck, dislodging his hand as he did so.

Danny took that as his answer and laid his now free hand on the nape of Steve’s neck while he waited him out. 

Steve was almost insanely grateful he was here and was letting him hide himself away for the moment it took him to pull himself together. The last three years had been difficult ones – first losing Freddie, then his father only a few hours later, and then the rest of the crap that had followed. He didn’t think he would have made it through without this man here, which was one reason he hadn’t asked him to come with him on this one. Danny would have, he knew, and his superiors had offered to get him a place, but Steve had refused. He was pleased he had. Danny would have gone with him into North Korea, the same as Cath had, he'd already done it once to save him, and had shown the doubters in SEAL team 9 exactly how deadly he could be. Gutches had told Steve when he was recovering in Hawaii and he was obviously impressed. But it could have been a one-way trip, it had almost ended up as that for both he and Cat, and he would never want that for either of them, especially Danny. It would have been a nightmare if he had lost Cath on this job, Freddie would never have forgiven him for a start, but he knew he would have Danny to help him pull through. If he’d have lost Danny? In the same place he’d lost Freddie? He shuddered and pulled him a little closer, if possible. 

Danny noticed, as he always did and squeezed him back. “It’s okay, Babe,” he told him and slowly caressed the skin at the nape of his neck. “He’s almost home. You did it.”

Steve shook his head and looked up finally but he couldn’t let go. “I shouldn’t have left him there in the first place,” he told him darkly as he let go with one hand so he could turn back and watch while Freddie was moved to the hanger nearby. “He’d been…” he paused, swallowed and tried again. “Mutilated before he’d been buried,” he explained. “He was already dead when I left, but…”

Danny was a clever man, he knew an exchange like this should have meant Steve should not have known that and he tightened the arm he still had around his waist. “You didn’t have to go back and get him, did you?” he asked grimly. “I thought the State Department had arranged it all.”

Steve knew he shouldn’t, he had told Danny about the mission to bring Freddie’s body home because he had been with him when he had gotten the call about a resolution with the Koreans and his partner needed to know what was happening. But his unauthorised incursion into North Korea should remain top secret for a lot of reasons. But then again – Danny had risked everything last year to come and get him. “The Koreans gave us back the wrong person,” he explained after a few moments of thought. “I don’t think they did it on purpose, they were trying to work with a group of armed terrorists hiding out near their borders after all. But I checked, I had his tags and I wanted to give them back.”

Danny nodded and watched as some more people in Navy uniform as well as Cath formed up beside the flatbed and walked with it to the hanger. “So you went back for him,” he stated, not surprised when Steve didn’t deny it. “You didn’t do it on your own, did you?” he asked quickly. 

“No, I didn’t,” Steve replied and shook his head. “But I can’t tell you any more, I’m sorry.”

“Classified, I know,” Danny agreed dryly. 

Not really, the SEAL thought to himself, he just didn’t think his partner would understand how good it had felt when he had heard the explosion his grenade had caused, knowing that the guy who had shot Freddie was dead now too. Or how much satisfaction he had gotten from killing the leader of the Dark Sun camp, and most of his followers too. He and Cath had then stolen a jeep, and he'd taken back Freddie’s P90 from the smug – dead – leader’s tent when he went looked for a shovel and something to wrap his friend in for transportation. Then they had gone back to his burial site and he had recovered him himself, only asking Cath to help lift Freddie, wrapped as carefully and as securely as he could in the tarp into the back of their stolen vehicle. The other three bodies nearby they had left for the forest to deal with and he had driven back the way they had come, down the smuggler’s trail back across the border. They hadn’t been accosted, probably because any of the vast North Korean army was rushing to the camp – visible now because Cath had set their fuel store alight. 

It had taken some fast-talking on his part when they had gotten back to base but the guy in charge had been when he had made it out with Hesse three years ago and he, finally, understood why Steve had broken all protocol and several US and international laws to do what he had. 

Although, he amended has he looked at Danny, taking him in, he probably would understand all of it too. 

Danny watched the proceedings for a few moments longer and noted that Lieutenant Rollins was now standing outside the hanger, watching them. “Do you need to do some more things here?” he asked him curiously. “Are you flying back out immediately, or…?”

“We’ve got a couple of days here,” his partner replied. “I’ve got to do a couple of things here…” he added with a shrug. 

Danny nodded. “Do you want me to hang around? Or are you going home with Cath?”

Steve shook his head. “Can you hang around?” he asked him quickly. “Cat drove but I’d feel better…” He shrugged. “Going home with you. I’d like to tell you about Freddie, if that’s okay?”

Danny nodded with a smile. “No problem,” he agreed. 

“I won’t be long,” the Commander assured him and just watched him for a few moments before he forced himself to move. “Thanks for this, Danny,” he told him sincerely. “I didn’t expect…”

Danny let him go but pressed a hand to his partner’s chest before he stepped back. “Where else would I be?” he asked him, and meant it too. 

Where indeed, Steve thought to himself as he nodded, turned and jogged back towards the hanger, where indeed. 

 

***********

 

Cath was not happy with him when Steve told her he was going back with Danny, and he didn’t really understand it. “He’s my best friend, why can’t I spend time with him?”

“Because I’m your girlfriend, Steve, in case you’d forgotten,” she retorted. “Did you think I might want to spend some time with you too?”

He frowned and looked around then, trying not to make too much of a scene. They were still in the hanger, in a corner now, Steve had, as the ranking officer, signed every form, over saw everything else and made sure Freddie would be properly guarded while he was here. He was itching to get back to Danny, he had already spent too much time here, and he was not planning on arguing over it with Catherine. “You’re not my girlfriend,” he answered quickly. “I thought we’d gone over this? I’ve already spent time with you, Cath, you helped me with Freddie and I’ll always be grateful for that.” He shrugged and glanced out of the hanger doors to where he could still see the Camaro glinting in the sun. “But I want, need to spend time with my best friend.”

There wasn’t much she could say to that that wouldn’t make her sound like a childish, possessive psycho but it still stung to see him turn away from her. He shook his head and strode away to where their luggage had been piled up and she watched him root for this bags, torn with what to do. She wanted to stop him, demand he go home with her, but knew he would see that as for too much and pull away from her even more. But she couldn’t leave it like this. She quickly jogged over herself and handed him the duffle he had stashed Freddie’s P90 in. “Will you be at the beach house later?” she asked as he eyed he warily as he took it.

He shrugged and slung his duffle over his shoulder. “I don’t know,” he answered. “Danny doesn’t like to go there much at the moment, in case Doris turns up.”  
Danny, again, Cath thought wryly to herself as she nodded, all roads lead to Danny. “I thought we could…” she tried again but he cut her off.

“I’ve got to go, Cath,” he told her quickly and stepped back towards the doors. “He won’t wait forever.”

She sighed, nodded, and watched him as he turned on his heel and virtually sprinted away from her, across the airfield to the silver car she could see parked on a service road. “He will wait forever,” she murmured, knowing it was true. She had been warned a few weeks ago by Chin Ho when she was complaining that Steve spent more time with his friend then he did with her that she was second, or even third in line with his affections. She hadn’t believed it and said as much, but after taking note of things since than had to concede the Lieutenant had been right, and even Doris had noticed it. Both women were fighting a battle with a short blond haole from New Jersey, and both had already lost. 

 

********

 

Danny had waited, as Steve knew he would, and he could hear the dulcet tones of Bon Jovi from the Camaro as he got close. When he opened the trunk to stash his stuff he winced at how loud it was and noted that his partner was also firmly entrenched in the driver’s seat and eyeing him in the rear view. Deciding to be magnanimous, and because he didn’t want another argument, he closed the trunk and got in the passenger side, taking off his cap as he did so. The air con was on as well and he closed his eyes for a moment as he relaxed back into the seat, letting the cool air wash over him. He even didn’t mind the music.  
“Where too? Yours?” Danny asked him after a few moments and Steve turned his head so he could see him.

“Can we go to yours?” he asked him. “But mine first to pick up some clothes? I want to get out of these.” He plucked at his BDUs. 

Danny nodded. “You don’t blend in very well,” he agreed, and floored it out of there.

 

********

 

Later, he didn’t know how long, Steve found himself in Danny’s living room, slouched in the corner of his comfortable couch, beer in hand. His partner was sitting next to him, pressed together from knee to hip, own beer in hand. He was listening avidly to the tales the SEAL was spinning for him about his and Freddie’s antics and the stuff they had gotten up to. At one point Danny laughed and laid a hand on Steve’s thigh, probably unconsciously. “You do realise that is illegal in most countries, don’t you?” he asked him. 

Steve grinned and drank some more beer. He finished his bottle and put it on the coffee table in front of them, along with the other empties. He was aware Danny was trailing behind; he was only on his second while Steve was reaching for his fourth, but the Commander didn’t worry about it. He trusted his best friend as he had Fred and he was suddenly struck with the need to tell him. So he laid his hand on Danny’s, still on his thigh and looked at his face. “I trusted him,” he told him firmly, sincerely. “I trust you in the same way I did Freddie.”

Danny studied him for a moment before he said anything, and he knew a facetious comment was not what was needed. Instead he used his free hand to gently brush his thumb over the dressing on Steve’s forehead and then down so he could cup his cheek in his hand. “Thank you,” he told him sincerely and smiled some when Steve leant into his hand. “I trust you with Gracie’s life, you know that right?” he asked and continued when he nodded. “If Freddie was anything like you, I’d trust him with her too.”

Steve grinned and it was obvious he was relaxed because of the beer. “He’d like that,” he told him in reply.

Danny paused again as he thought about it and asked a question he had been wanting and dreading too at the same time. He knew Steve well; he knew he was going to take it badly if he said something like: “Lose him” almost as if he was accusing him, so he thought carefully about his words before he spoke. “Can you tell me when he died?” he asked him gently. “I’m presuming on a mission.”

Steve thought about it carefully before replying. Yes he had had a few beers but he wasn’t drunk so he wasn’t confused enough to blurt it out before thinking it through. The mission to get Anton Hesse from Dark Sun had been very classified, only he, Freddie, White and the two other people had known about it, even the flight crew hadn’t known what the two SEALs they were transporting were doing there. But Danny already knew about the aftermath, that was how they met after all, and he didn’t think it was too difficult to tell him. “The day before my Dad was killed,” he answered him grimly. 

That there was exactly what Danny was worried about, Steve hadn’t dealt with his father’s death at all, and the expression of loss on his face showed his partner that he hadn’t dealt with Freddie’s either. Steve’s family life growing up and had not been conducive for him to show his feelings, and the Navy had taught him to tamp everything down and compartmentalize. This, to Danny, who had grown up in a loud, emotive and expressive family, was an alien concept and he knew it was damaging in the long run. For Steve, who had suffered so many losses in his life, to lose his best friend and his father within a day of each other must have been agony for him, and it had been festering in his locked compartments for a long time. “I’m so sorry, Babe,” he told him sincerely and used his hands to urge him closer to him. “I don’t suppose you’ve grieved for him properly either, have you?”

Steve went with him, he could deny Danny virtually nothing, and some times he was jealous of the hugs his partner seemed to give out on a moment’s notice. So he was going to take advantage of any given, and he found himself resting against his partner’s broad shoulders on the sofa, his arms tight around him, while he arranged himself on the comfortable sofa as well. “I couldn’t,” he answered as he wrapped his own arms around Danny’s slim waist and closed his eyes. “Now while he was out there, not before I could get him home.”

“Did you…?” Danny began but didn’t know whether he should continue. It was all well and good for him to bemoan Steve’s inability to let his feelings out, and there was no doubting he had them, but it was another thing all together for Danny to try and force him to show them. Steve was already showing more than he would normally, he was curled up on his sofa, face pressed against his own chest, letting him hug him tight which was highly unusual to say the least. But, conversely, Danny was worried, had been for the last three years that those strong, broad shoulders couldn’t hold everything that had happened to him, that something would break him eventually. He just hoped that when that happened the detective himself was around to support him. So he paused and Steve looked up at him with a frown.

“Did I what?” he asked him curiously. Danny, however he tried to deny it, also had faces, and now he was looking worried and somewhat ashamed which was odd. “Danny?”

“I was going to ask if you knew he had died,” Danny told him eventually, his voice quiet. “But then I realised that was a stupid question. You would never have left if you had any doubt whatsoever, so I didn’t.”

Steve nodded and rested back against his partner’s chest, closing his eyes again. “It’s okay,” he replied and settled again. “I watched…” He choked and buried his face in Danny’s soft shirt. “He…” He paused again, unable to continue. 

“It’s okay, Babe,” Danny murmured. “You don’t have to, it’s okay.”

Steve relaxed and just lay there, listening to his partner’s steady heartbeat for a few moments before he said anything else. “I loved him,” he said quietly, his voice muffled in Danny’s shirt. “I had to leave him.” His voice cracked again. “And they m… mutilated him,” he murmured and clutched at Danny’s shirt covering his back with both big hands. “W…why would they do that?”

Danny winced, bent over him and laid a cheek on his friend’s hair. “I don’t know,” he said to him gently and hugged him as tightly as he could. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, that he had to go through that.” He didn’t know what else to say, what could he say that would make this better? He could assume the mission they lost each other was probably the one that netted Anton Hesse, and the people they had grabbed him from were probably very angry he had been taken from under their noses. Even a dead soldier would be someone they could have vented their anger on, and Danny was just grateful that Steve got out alive and even Freddie had died – at least he wasn’t left there, alive, at their tender mercies. But he also knew Steve would never have left him there if he thought there was any chance he could have saved him. “I’m sorry,” he murmured again. “Steve, love, I’m so sorry.”

The Commander knew he meant it, Danny rarely said anything he didn’t mean, even when he said a lot, and he was beginning to feel able to let go, finally. He’d kept everything as pent up as he could for the last three years, but Danny himself had been the main reason he had allowed himself to show his feelings more. When he had found Fred he had been horrified at what he had seen, what he had found, and he had turned that to anger and used it to it’s full advantage. Now he was here, at home, with Danny so close around him, surrounding him, and he finally felt safe enough to let go. 

He hadn’t allowed himself to cry since his mother had supposedly died, even though he had felt like it since, a few times, and it had taken him watching and experiencing his partner’s frequent bouts of emotion showing (normally anger it had to be said) to realised he was allowed to as well. So, when he felt the first tears start to fall he didn’t try to stop them and buried his face further into Danny’s top, if at all possible. He was tired of loss, tired of fighting everything and he knew Danny would never ask him to stop, laugh at him or expose him because of it. 

And it also seemed to be that the man knew what was happening too. Danny moved a hand to the nape of Steve’s neck and his fingers gently rubbed his skin, providing an insane amount of comfort from that small movement. “Let it go, Babe,” he murmured into his hair. “It’s okay. Just let it go.”  
Steve did.

 

*********

 

The funeral was held in Freddie’s hometown on the mainland. The memorial service at the church had been very well attended; standing room only, but the actual burial had been a private family affair. Steve had given a short eulogy at the service, and another at the internment and he was pleased to be able to give Freddie’s daughter his dog tags. He’d kept them after his friend had handed them over, they had weighed heavily in his pocket on the way back and in the box he had stored them in at his house, and for a moment he felt bereft. But Fred had asked him to do exactly that, so he had, and, at the tentative smile the three year old gave him when he put them around her neck he knew he’d done the right thing. Kelly was smiling tearfully too, and when he looked up and a little over from the family, Danny nodded at him as well. 

He was relieved his partner and the other two members of their small family were here; he didn’t know how they had managed it to get the time off together with the Governor. He wasn’t even aware the trio were thinking about it until they had gone with him to the airport yesterday, bags and tickets in tow. 

His excuse had been that after he had cried himself out on Danny’s chest he had fallen asleep there, and hadn’t woken for a while. Danny hadn’t seemed to mind, he hadn’t pushed him off or woken him to move, in fact when Steve had come back to himself his partner also looked as if he had dozed off as well. 

The Commander had felt … disjointed when he woke, hollow, and he hadn’t argued when Danny had suggested he ate and then go to bed. He hadn’t wanted to move from where he was though, his partner was very comfortable after all, but Danny had been persuasive and Steve more compliant than usual. He’d slept for a long time in his partner’s very comfortable, proper bed after he'd eaten the meal he'd been provided, and woken the next morning to find Grace standing over him with a smile and a mug of coffee for him. “Danno says you’re not feeling very well so we’re going to stay at home, bake and watch movies,” she told him. “Danno says you need breakfast,” she added as she put the mug down carefully on the nightstand. “Do you want it in here or are you coming out?”

He blinked at her while he thought about it. Yes he could mope in bed all day but he couldn’t remember the last time he had done that, if ever, “I’ll get up,” he replied and sat up, reaching for the coffee. “Thanks, Gracie.”

She grinned at him and hopped up onto the bed to sit next to him. “Danno says you don’t have the plague,” she commented brightly and Steve stared at her in surprise, wondering where the hell she got that one from. “Tommy says people get the plague all the time and turn into zombies. I’m very pleased you aren’t going to turn into a zombie, Uncle Steve.”

“Ah, Tommy says,” he replied with a smile, understanding her comment then. “That kid says a lot of weird things. I’m pleased I’m not turning into a zombie too,” he agreed and drank some more coffee. It had been made the way he liked it, and it was indicative of how the rest of the day went as well. The Williamses did their best to make sure the day was as stress-free as possible for him, even Danny kept his usually ebullient ranting at the hockey game he slipped in their watching schedule to a minimum. Steve had ended up spending a lot of the day stuffed in a corner of the sofa against a few pillows, legs outstretched on it with Grace and her homework or book tucked in under his arm. Danny himself pottered around them, and every so often a plate of food of some sort or another appeared in front of him. He spent the day in a state of numbness, and was surprised at how many times he seemed to zone out – the day ended quickly for him and he looked up with a frown when he came too again when Grace moved away from him. 

“Bed time,” Danny told him and they left him alone after Grace had kissed him on the forehead. He didn’t want to be on his own and forced himself to his feet, planning to go and follow his partner, but Danny returned quickly and smiled at him. “You want to go back to bed too?” he asked. Steve just nodded and found himself being mother-henned to bed again. 

The next day had gone in the same sort of vein, apart from Chin and Kono turning up at some point, the other three talking about something in the kitchen of Danny’s apartment while Grace persuaded Steve to draw with her. 

So, the Commander was even more surprised when Cat turned up in the evening. She was not happy with him, it hadn’t even occurred to him to call her over the last couple of days to tell her where he was and find out if she was okay. He was even more surprised when she placed a suit-cover on his lap, gave Grace next to him a smile and went to find the other three adults in the apartment. 

Turned out the four of them had planned, organised and arranged for the entire 5-0 team to be able to go to Freddie’s funeral, he didn’t know how they had done it, how Cath had persuaded the Navy to let the other three tag along, how Danny had persuaded the Governor to let them all go at the same time. 

But they had, and they were here and he walked over to them when people started to disperse. Kono smiled slightly at him, Chin nodded, and Danny reached for him with a hand, holding onto two of his longer fingers with his own. “You okay?” he asked him quietly. 

Steve thought about it for a moment and nodded. “I will be,” he answered. “Thanks,” he added gratefully. “For being here.” He watched his partner for a moment, curling his digits around Danny’s to hold on, before he turned to the other two. “You didn’t have to come.”

Kono smiled slightly at them and looked over at Danny. “We had to come,” she told him and nodded to him. “Ohana, brah. Any friend of yours…”

Chin nodded as well and patted Steve’s free arm. “No problem, brah,” he assured him. “At all.”

 

*********

 

Cath mingled with the other guests for a few minutes before she tried to find Steve. She had thought he had come with her, but she was surprised to have to share him with three other people. She had not been happy that he had spent their two-day down time in Danny’s company, or that she had been asked to pack for him by the man from Jersey himself. She had shouted at Danny on the phone, been bitchy to him she had to admit, but he had taken it all, even apologised to her for bothering her, and asked if she was going to leave the house at any point so he could come to get the stuff himself. Which had embarrassed her into agreeing to bring the items. Steve hadn’t even noticed she was there, he had been… oblivious, hadn’t even looked up at her when she had laid a hand on his shoulder. Grace had had to tell her what was going on, which had embarrassed her again. 

When Steve had turned up at the airport, Danny close beside him, Chin and Kono there too, she was, again not happy. She had wanted to talk to him alone on the flight, wanting to get some clarification from him about their relationship, but he took a seat next to his partner and promptly dozed off, leaving her to talk to Kono who sat beside her. The young cop watched her sympathetically as she could only watch as her lover ignored her completely, but then tried to encourage her into a conversation with her and Chin in the seats in front of them.

And then she found out at the hotel that she was bunking with Kono, not him, but even Danny had been somewhat surprised at that one when Steve had rearranged the booking at the check in desk. Now she watched as Steve hung onto Danny’s fingers for dear life as they talked to each other and to the people who wanted to speak to them, and she realised what had been staring her in the face. Their decade-long and more relationship or whatever it was, was over, probably the moment Steve had met the short blond Jersey cop that the SEAL couldn’t stop talking about. She was just in the way of something that had been going on in front of her for at least a couple of years and now all she had to do was decide what she was going to do about it. But from the looks the pair of them were sharing even now, she probably didn’t have much choice. 

End


End file.
